Divine Demons

Nothing to Lose

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Carla Berg, July 2010

After many years of un-manifesting, it’s hard to get back into the swing of manifesting again. Our faith has not only been tested, it has been turned inside out, run through a wringer washer, hung out to dry, and maybe even shrunk a little. So if it doesn’t fit comfortably any more, that’s perfectly understandable. But if we don’t stretch our faith a little, how will it ever fit again – especially since we have grown during this time? I guess you could argue that we have depended on our faith more than ever these last few years, but I think there are different flavors of faith. The one used during struggle, ascension, and transition mode is a, “How can I make it through another day?” kind of faith. We used that one a lot during the last few years. Then there is the, “I think I’ll try something bold and new” kind of faith. We haven’t seen much of that kind lately, and probably won’t until we have fully acknowledged that we are in a new space, that the hard parts are over now, and we know it is safe to take leaps again.

I understand the stresses, and even trauma, light workers have suffered, and I wouldn’t ask you to do anything I wouldn’t do myself. It just seems like many of us are waiting for some kind of miracle to happen to physically prove that the new world is here, before it feels safe enough to try creating again. Unfortunately, that only puts us in a limbo-like state that whispers, “As soon as…” and nothing moves forward.

It reminds me of the scene in The Wizard of Oz when Dorothy and her companions, after overcoming their fears (Lions and tigers and bears, Oh My!), can finally see Oz in the distance. They have only to cross the poppy field to reach their destination, but can’t quite make it. The forces of nature or evil are just too strong and they slip into a deep sleep. Have we also lost momentum, too tired to make it to our destination/dreams? What will be the force that revives us the way the falling snow wakes Dorothy and her companions?

I submit that we are in a game of tug of war between dark and light, and our exhaustion is coming from this mighty struggle. The only way to resolve this is to set down the rope; get out of the game. Exit duality. The truth is we’ve been kicking ourselves out of the world of duality for a long time, so why cling to it now?

Many of us are in jobs, relationships, or lifestyles that no longer suit us. Our circumstances were perfectly appropriate during a phase of inner growth, but they now feel outgrown and need to be let go. They are exhausting us, yet it feels too uncertain to take the necessary steps to change our circumstances, so we cling and survive. When our faith is worn down, what we have -- even if it is uncomfortable -- feels better than nothing. But when did nothing become the only alternative to something? At what point do we muster the courage to say, “I’m in a new world that will only be created when I create it. I’m going to give it another try.”

My own situation is one in which my current lifestyle is no longer a fit. The last five years have included losing all my material wealth. Foreclosure, eviction, debt, poverty, and desperation have been my teachers. I appreciate these divinely orchestrated experiences, I know they have prepared me well for the next phase of life, and I am ready to move on. Okay, more than ready… thrilled to kiss that lifestyle goodbye forever.

My domestic partner, Greg, and I currently live in a very modest apartment. The landlord took a chance on us (damaged credit history, lack of references, and low income) because he was desperate. We were out of options and so close to homelessness that we were grateful to have any place that would have us. But now we’re convinced that growth phase has ended, and we’re ready for something better. Our lease expires in a few weeks and when the landlord asked about renewing it, we had to make a choice between keeping a sure thing or risking it for something better. As worn down and cramped as it is, this place is certainly better than nothing, but that’s not good enough any more.

It may look like an easy choice to let go of a run-down abode in order to manifest something better, but after losing a beautiful home, being evicted from a more spacious apartment, and having to sell almost everything we owned in order to survive, any leap of faith must be taken with disregard for the disappointments of the last five years, otherwise experience would talk us out of it. We have to trust that we are out of that phase and in a new one…one in which “nothing” is not an option.

We declined the lease renewal, even though we currently haven’t the money for rent or a security deposit on a new rental. We don’t even have enough money yet to pay the final month’s rent in the old place, so it feels quite risky.

Once the landlord knew we weren’t renewing, he rented our place within 24 hours. There was no going back to the sure thing. We started worrying about coming up with enough money, explaining away our credit history, finding another place that would take a chance on us, etc. Deep anxiety started setting in. It was exhausting. In a fear-based world of duality, people with our history are not welcome in the rental market – even if that history came in the name of spiritual growth. We have abandoned mainstream ways of being, leaving us unable to go forward or backward in this world. What do you do when you cannot stay where you are, but also cannot step forward or backward? Step sideways. Exit duality.

We cannot survive in a world of fear-based rules – and never meant to. Greg and I spent all those intense years shedding fears, doubts, shame and limits so that we could live freely – in a new world, not the old world. So rather than barely surviving in that world, we have chosen to exit it for a world with rules that match our values…a world where we are welcome. The world we must now create. As soon as we made that choice, all anxiety and exhaustion disappeared.

In my last month’s article I talked about how the old business negotiating paradigm didn’t work for me, so I chose a new one and lived it. The results were spectacular (in the end, we could have sold those kayaks 50 times over!) Now I’m choosing a new paradigm for housing – one that is based in trust -- one where everyone has worth, regardless of their net worth. I choose to believe there is a lovely place to live that wants us living there; where it is somehow mutually beneficial for all to have us there. These are our rules and they are based in love and trust. Faith and trust will get us there.

For a while I was weakened and worn down and nothing seemed like the only alternative to something. I couldn’t see a third option of something better. Life has graced me with the opportunity to look “nothing” in the eye for the last 5 years and discover that it doesn’t really exist. As long as you have life, you always have something. If I had the strength to make it this far, I have enough to make one more leap of faith from something into something better.

Five years ago when I told a friend I was going to exit duality, she said, “The Universe is going to kick your butt!” She was right, it did. And now it is my turn to kick butt. I’m ready to create new games with new rules -- love-based rules for people who have shed their fears and opened their hearts. We didn’t do all that work for nothing. We did it for something – something better -- something amazing.

Love and Light,

carla's signature
Carla Berg

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